Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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