I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
