we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
