you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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