There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
In America we eat man semen.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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