just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
