Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
