so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
