It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
