Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
