At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
