we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
