I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
