So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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