i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
