Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I can text with my tongue
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
