forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
