dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
