She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
