MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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