I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
