Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Randomize
