dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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