I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
