Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
