Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Boobs are out for the taking
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
