You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
