my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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