Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
