before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
