is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
