what day is it and did you see me today?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
