yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
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