im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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