I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
