I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
