let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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