My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Did we literally take a cab across the street
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
