my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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