omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
im six kinds of drunk right now
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
