HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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