Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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