just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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