She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
