so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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