On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
