hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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