but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
