some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just threw up on my dentist
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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