Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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