Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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