last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
